The spate of Planned Parenthood videos raises many issues – almost none of which I am addressing here. The one issue germane to this essay is nurturing the life we (or our community members) have had a hand in conceiving, adopting and welcoming into our homes.
Nurturing discipleship in our communities includes biblically and theologically informed insights for parents as they express faith, hope and love in welcoming children into God’s world.
The following are insights from 35 years of parenting and pastoring in churches large and small, financial and geographic upheaval and more divine grace than my wife and I deserve.
Our aim: partnering with the Holy Trinity to make disciples that are neither anarchists not automatons, but passionate and principled volitional followers of Christ. We are parents of adult children ages 31, 28 and 25 and enjoy good relationships with each of them. They are each in different time zones, unique places in their journey and bring us no end of delight and concern.
Recognizing the diversity of family circumstances and structures, these reflections are not culled from a one-size-fits-all-prescription-laden text. Here are some thoughts for discipling parents in our communities:
Welcoming a child (or children) into our home is an act of faith that changes everything. I often tell parents, “Marriage changes your world; children change your universe.” Parents are divine subcontractors and stewards of life and must cry out for divine strength and wisdom hour by hour.
There are timeless biblical principles for nurture, but no one method of child rearing. Context and culture, personalities and particularities create opportunity for listening to God and learning from community members.
Do not compete with other parents for how early your children walk, read, play an instrument or enjoy fishing. Within very wide boundaries (do listen to a good pediatrician), you can chill a bit and raise more secure children.
If you are married, let children see (with discretion) your mutual love and respect and welcome them into family decisions as they mature. If you are a single parent, work with healthy opposite-gender congregants so your kids have a healthy view of themselves and both genders.
Create an environment of aesthetic, intellectual, social and spiritual growth, modeling lifelong learning and childlike wonder.
Teach the integration of faith, work and economics early, communicating that adding value through good work is more important that mere material wealth. Help them see work as worship to God and service to others, from the simplest of chores to the most complex occupations.
Nurture potential with hopeful realism. Do not offer untrue platitudes such as, “you can be or do anything you want!” Better to say, “Let’s discover how God has made you and what unique gifts you bring to the world.” The power of Ephesians 3:20 includes the wisdom of Ephesians 2:10: The Lord can do more than we imagine…and God has designed good (general and specific) works for us. By the way, when I was 12, my father wrote in Harvard Alumni Journal, “Charles is a fiery humanist and repressed basketball star (too short).” By 15 I knew the NBA was not my future!
Please help your children eat healthily, exercise often, turn off the computers and television and enjoy being alone with a book and comfortable with people. Respect their temperamental differences. Do not force extended solitude for extraverts or constant socializing for introverts. The aim is Christ-formed character and the blossoming of their person, not vicarious fulfillment of the parents.
Above, below and around all other precepts: pray and praise God together, joyfully singing and dancing. Lament together and explain that our God sheds tears as well. Without being oppressive, let your life with Christ be “Spirit-natural” and your children will never be religiously inoculated.
At least once a week, my wife and I say to the Lord, “Thank you for the gift of freewill. We just wish our kids would use it better sometimes!” Every good decision makes our hearts swell with joy. Every poor one brings pangs of agitation and guilt. What an amazing window into the heart of Abba Father, the Almighty. We worship a Lord of great pathos, beaming and singing over his children (Zeph. 3:17) and longing for a desert place to weep when they rebel (Jer. 8-9).
For leaders, these insights for parents apply to our nurture of the spiritual children God entrusts to our care.
May we see the Bible inform and the Spirit empower our nurture of maturing, responsible and loving children of God.
[Photo: Robynlou Kavanagh, CC via Flickr]