In a world of secrets and betrayal, Mary DeMuth found her voice through writing. But when she mustered the courage to share her story, she faced the unthinkable: rejection from loved ones. Now, she’s on a mission to confront abuse within religious institutions, but will the church be ready to listen?
My special guest is Mary DeMuth
Mary DeMuth is an accomplished writer and speaker with an extensive body of work, including almost 50 published books. Her latest release, the 90 Day Bible Reading Challenge, showcases her dedication to helping others restory their lives through the power of words. In addition to her literary achievements, Mary is a survivor of childhood abuse, and her book We Too sheds light on the complex issue of abuse within faith communities. Through her writing and advocacy, Mary has become a powerful voice for change, challenging religious institutions to address and prevent abuse. Her insights and personal experiences make her a highly respected figure in the field. With a wealth of knowledge and a genuine desire to empower survivors, Mary DeMuth is a guest whose expertise and story will resonate with listeners of “A World of Difference.”
“I kind of am the, I don’t know, the crash test dummy of authors because I’ve tried everything and there was no romantic story about being discovered one day. It was just a hard slog.” Mary DeMuth
In this episode, you will be able to:
- Discover the transformative power of writing as a tool for healing and self-expression in the aftermath of abuse within religious institutions.
- Learn about the unique challenges survivors face in finding support and understanding within the context of religious communities and institutions.
- Gain insight into the historical and contextual interpretation of the Bible, helping survivors navigate its teachings with a deeper understanding and perspective.
- Explore the importance of differentiating between descriptive and prescriptive passages in the Bible, empowering survivors to embrace the life-affirming messages and discard the harmful ones, often used to spiritually abuse them.
- Find inspiration and encouragement by hearing the stories of other survivors who have found healing, support, and empowerment, sparking hope for their own journey of recovery.
“So it was born out of just this frustration that I believe faith communities are some of the best places to heal from trauma and abuse, or they should be. So often they’ve become not only perpetrators of that kind of violence, but also secondary trauma of not believing, of blaming the victim. Oddly, for me, the church for me was a very healing place. I completely acknowledge that for many people, that is not the truth and not the case.” Mary DeMuth
Gain insight into the unique challenges survivors face. Survivors of abuse within religious settings are confronted with a unique set of challenges. The expectation of religious institutions to serve as safe havens can often lead to greater harm when they fail to provide support and understanding. As Mary highlights, these systems are often ill-equipped to handle cases of abuse, making the journey toward healing more difficult for survivors. This episode provides a crucial look at these challenges and offers guidance for overcoming them.
The resources mentioned in this episode are:
- Pause the podcast and listen at a time when there are no children around.
- Take care of yourself and pause the episode if you have experienced abuse or if you’re having trouble processing your emotions.
- Visit www.BetterHelp.com/difference to get 10% off your first month of therapy.
- Sign up for a therapist, and get started on your healing journey.
- Check out Mary DeMuth’s website at MaryDemuth.com for her literary work.
- Listen to Mary DeMuth’s daily Prayer podcast with 4.5 million downloads, called Pray Everyday Show.
- Visit MaryDemuth.com/art for cards, prints, and other artsy fun.
- Explore Mary DeMuth’s literary agency at MaryDemuthLiterary.com.
- Write and don’t worry about perfection. Just get your words down on the page.
- Read Mary DeMuth’s book We Too about the experience of being a survivor of abuse in a church faith-based space.
- Check out Mary DeMuth’s newly released book, the 90 Day Bible Reading Challenge.
- Join her reading challenge: MaryDeMuth.com/Bible
- Learn more about the impact of spiritual, emotional, and psychological abuse in Mary DeMuth’s writing and speaking at the Restore conference in Chicago Oct 12-14, where she and host Lori Adams-Brown will both be speaking. Register here: https://julieroys.com/restore-2023/
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AuthorMaryDeMuth/Groups/90DaysBible
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The key moments in this episode are:
00:00:00 – Introduction,
00:05:00 – Becoming a Writer,
00:09:37 – We Too,
00:11:32 – Healing in the Church,
00:13:30 – Impact and Takeaways,
00:15:46 – The Cost of Silence,
00:17:32 – Writing for Healing,
00:19:17 – Facing Fear and Finding Strength,
00:21:15 – Speaking Out and Facing Backlash,
00:25:51 – The Burden of Fixing a Broken System,
00:30:56 – The Difficulty of Leaving an Abusive Church,
00:34:15 – God and Abusive Systems,
00:35:53 – Lack of Trauma Awareness in Religious Contexts,
00:37:01 – The Long Journey of Healing,
00:39:08 – Gaining a New Perspective through Overseas Experience,
00:45:51 – Recognizing the Importance of Context and Genre in Bible Reading,
00:46:18 – Descriptive vs Prescriptive in Biblical Interpretation,
00:47:01 – Challenging Misconceptions about Bathsheba’s Blame,
00:47:56 – Recognizing Abuse in the Biblical Narrative,
00:49:04 – Finding Healing and Hope in Sharing Abuse Stories,
The cost of silence is born in our bodies and our souls, our brains, and it comes out, it spills out like hot tea that’s overflowing and it’s not something you can really keep a lid on. – Lori Adams-Brown
Timestamped summary of this episode:
00:00:00 – Introduction,
The episode deals with heavy topics such as abuse and listener discretion is advised. The host introduces the guest, Mary DeMuth, who is a literary agent, speaker, and author of nearly 50 books. They discuss writing and the journey of becoming a writer.
00:05:00 – Becoming a Writer,
Mary shares her journey of becoming a writer and offers advice to aspiring writers. She emphasizes the importance of just starting and giving oneself permission to write poorly at first. She also highlights the accessibility of publishing in today’s digital age.
00:09:37 – We Too,
Mary explains that she was inspired to write “We Too” due to brokenness and pain within religious institutions. She believes that faith communities should be safe havens for healing, but often perpetrate abuse or contribute to secondary trauma. Mary shares her own positive experience with church as a healing place.
00:11:32 – Healing in the Church,
The host shares her recent experience at a church panel on abuse and healing. She mentions survivors who found healing within the church, despite their abusive experiences outside of it. They discuss the importance of creating safe spaces within religious institutions for survivors of trauma and abuse.
00:13:30 – Impact and Takeaways,
“We Too” has made a significant impact within the community, addressing the issue of abuse in religious contexts. Mary hopes readers will understand the need for churches to become safe havens and to prevent and heal from abuse. The conversation ends
00:15:46 – The Cost of Silence,
Mary discusses the impact of silence on our bodies and souls and emphasizes the importance of finding a way to share our stories, even if it’s through writing. Writing can help process trauma and uncover deeper layers of healing.
00:17:32 – Writing for Healing,
Mary and the host discuss the power of writing in processing trauma and sharing one’s story. Writing allows for a different level of reflection and can lead to unexpected insights and healing.
00:19:17 – Facing Fear and Finding Strength,
Mary shares her experience of writing a chapter about her abuse and confronting her fears of being disbelieved and rejected by her parents. Despite her fears coming true, she finds strength in standing up for herself and continues to write her story.
00:21:15 – Speaking Out and Facing Backlash,
The host shares her own experience of speaking out and facing backlash within the church. She discusses the fear of being slandered and the importance of speaking up for survivors of abuse. Mary reflects on her role in the Southern Baptist Convention and the challenges of trying to change a system.
00:25:51 – The Burden of Fixing a Broken System,
Mary talks about the difficulties of trying to change a broken system and the toll it takes on survivors. She emphasizes the need for healing and providing safe spaces for survivors, rather than expecting them to fix a broken system.
00:30:56 – The Difficulty of Leaving an Abusive Church,
Mary shares her experience of being in an abusive situation and the internal struggle she faced when deciding whether to stay or leave. She emphasizes the importance of recognizing when one has tried multiple times to repair a broken system but faced resistance each time, indicating that it may be time to leave.
00:34:15 – God and Abusive Systems,
Mary discusses the misconception that God wants individuals to stay in abusive systems. She highlights the importance of questioning leaders and systems and how the inability to question or challenge authority is a sign of a toxic and abusive situation. She encourages individuals to prioritize their well-being and safety.
00:35:53 – Lack of Trauma Awareness in Religious Contexts,
Mary points out that many religious systems are not trauma-informed, which can make it challenging for survivors of sexual abuse to find healing and support within a religious context. She highlights the need for more training in churches to address and understand trauma.
00:37:01 – The Long Journey of Healing,
Mary emphasizes that healing from trauma takes time and cannot be rushed. She shares her personal experience of assuming she had healed after being prayed for but later realizing that trauma can resurface in different stages of life. She encourages survivors to be patient with themselves.
00:39:08 – Gaining a New Perspective through Overseas Experience,
Mary reflects on her time spent overseas in France and how it shifted her perspective on Christian communities and the interpretation of scripture. She learned to
00:45:51 – Recognizing the Importance of Context and Genre in Bible Reading,
The Bible is a collection of ancient scriptures written by different people over many years. It is important to recognize the ancient context and different genres of the text when reading it. The guest believes that the Bible has something to say to us today.
00:46:18 – Descriptive vs Prescriptive in Biblical Interpretation,
Not everything in the Bible is prescriptive, some parts are descriptive. It is crucial to understand the difference between these two approaches when interpreting the text. The example of Bathsheba’s story is given to illustrate this point.
00:47:01 – Challenging Misconceptions about Bathsheba’s Blame,
The guest emphasizes that Bathsheba is not blamed in the Bible for the events that occurred with King David. The negative narratives and victim-blaming that have been perpetuated by some pastors are not supported by the plain reading of the text.
00:47:56 – Recognizing Abuse in the Biblical Narrative,
Although the word “abuse” may not be used in the Bible, the implications of abuse can be identified in certain narratives. The story of Bathsheba and King David serves as an example of the abuse of power and the consequences that follow.
00:49:04 – Finding Healing and Hope in Sharing Abuse Stories,
The guest shares her personal experience of sharing her story of abuse and the rejection she faced. She encourages others to find inspiration and hope in her story
It’s that thing you’re most afraid of, that if you actually just are brave enough to face it and name the fear and just go forward anyway, even if you face everything you thought, somehow it catapults you into something so much bigger, and now you have this huge field to run and play in and be brave. – Lori Adams-Brown
For more exclusive content, including a deeper exclusive interview with Mary DeMuth, go to: www.patreon.com/aworldofdifference
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